fucking oscars, dude (w/ addendum)

we are bitches:

Kelly: fucking oscars, dude

Andrea: fucking A, man... antonio banderas sang a song

Kelly: yeah, what was that about?

Andrea: i don't know

Kelly: also, whats is up with beyonce being the vocal whore of the evening?

Andrea: yes! i was so just about to say the same thing!

Kelly: also, this song sucks. what the hell is this?

Andrea: yes, indeed it does. no idea. i liked the french one.

Kelly: yeah, although i have to admit, i haven't really been overwhelmed by any of them this year

Andrea: this is true. but if i had to pick one, that would probably be it... kicks this songs ass, that's for sure.

Kelly: seriously. this song is super schmaltzy and not even memorable.

Andrea: exactly... it's totally barfy.

Kelly: haha. that's the best adjective.

Andrea: i'm rather fond of it.

Kelly: fucking conuting crows... i used to love them. before they started sucking.

Andrea: me too!

Kelly: i really can't handle anything past their second album... i kind of like the 3rd one.... but its the beginning of the end for me

Andrea: hehe

Kelly: i really dislike sean penn. he seems so self important to me.

Andrea: dude is such an asshole. he's the actor version of j.j. reddick.

Kelly: he so is.

Kelly: hilary swanks dress is FUG.

Andrea: yeah it is. i can't wait to see it on go fug yourself.

Kelly: seriously. man.

Andrea: yeah.

Kelly: she looks like she's from a trailer park.

Andrea: yeah she does.

Kelly: i know that's bitchy.

Andrea: i've seen her look really pretty before.

Kelly: not tonight so much.

Andrea: definitely not. we're so bitchy... oh well.

Kelly: i cant help it, her dress is so hideous

Andrea: it is indeed.

Kelly: and her hair and make up so severe. bleh. play the music! they kicked off other people WAY earlier than this!

Andrea: yeah they did... oh, whatever hillary, they can't just give you more time. if the art director doesn't get more time, neither do you honey.

Kelly: man. the sleeves just meld out of her chestal area. yuck.

Andrea: totally yuck.

Kelly: wait, why are they playing the theme to magnificent 7?

Andrea: they played the star trek theme earlier. baffling.

Kelly: don't they usually play you off to standard segway music? or to the score from your film? yeah, i noticed the star trek thing too - that was weird.

Andrea: very weird. like the handing people their oscars in their freakin' seats... what is that about?

Kelly: that is so lame. or parading everyone up on stage at once? it didn't really seem to help them save time... usually the telecast ends around 11, doesn't it? so they might save like 15 min.

Andrea: yeah, for real.

Kelly: i hope the tackyness was worth it.

Andrea: it wasn't. let the little people get to walk up to the stage!

Kelly: gwenyth's dress cuts her boobs weird. it gives her quadra boob. that has to be a big accomplishment.... considering she is practically boobless.

Andrea: yeah... pregnancy will do that though.

Kelly: heh.

Andrea: ugh, the quadra boob. gwenyth, dear, you're so pretty, we really expect more of you.

Kelly: seriously, you know a proper fitting would take of that.

Andrea: exactly.

Kelly: totally random, but clint eastwood, to me, looks like voldemort in the 1st harry potter...when his face is in the back of prof quirrile's head.

Andrea: hahahaha... you are so right.

Andrea: man, scorese better win or i think people will get pissed.

Kelly: fuck that.

Andrea: fuck what?

Kelly: Clint. Fucking. Eastwood.

Andrea: i agree completely.

Kelly: throw scorcese a bone

Andrea: i know!

Kelly: seriously though - look at this man: voldemort.

Andrea: totally, totally

Kelly: the spitting image

Andrea: it's uncanny

Kelly: i assume it is the porduct of face lifts.... bad ones.

Andrea: or botox... which is sort of the same thing i guess.

Kelly: it's not natural that someone's skin should be pulled so tightly across the face

Andrea: it's very creepy.

Andrea: poor sideways... it got totally shafted.

Kelly: poor scorsese too.

Andrea: yeah, i know... and now we have to see voldemort again.

Kelly: i mean, i know he's a big talented star, but gah

the next morning:

Kelly: dude, i was just reading something on the oscars, and they made a very good point: why did beyonce sing that french song? when johnny depp's wife is an actual french popstar and she was sitting RIGHT THERE. why not have her sing?

Andrea: seriously? wow, that is pretty crazy

Kelly: i can't believe i didn't think of that last night

Andrea: cause beyonce didn't quite have the french down

Kelly: and it was really weird that she was singing so many songs

Andrea: yes, i still can't get over that

Kelly: damn. why didn't they get vanessa paradis to sing that? weird.

Andrea: it was like beyonce was the oscar's lounge singer.... very weird.

Andrea: but the picture i kept seeing in the news of gil cates on the scooter pretty much dashed any hopes i had of this year's show being normal or classy.